When your child has special needs, it can be challenging to figure out how to help them in school. Parents often either feel uncertain or hesitant to take an active role in developing a program for their child. Yes, it CAN be overwhelming, especially if you are trying to understand and process a diagnosis for the first time. I offer talks from time to time for parents to address this issue, and the feedback I have received has been that they are informative and empowering. Therefore, this is the first part of my efforts to distill a brief overview of some of the main things you might keep in mind when you are planning for your child’s education. In a later blog, I will try to address some more of the nitty gritty, micro-level information.
- Know your rights and come prepared for meetings with the school. The State of New Jersey has a document entitled NJ State Special Education Code that is the state’s interpretation of the Individuals with Disabilities Act. It also publishes a special parent guide that you can download from the website: nj.gov/education/specialed/info/. Each state has its own interpretation of the federal law. It can be accessible than the actual code and answers many questions about the Law. There are specific criteria for classification and categories of classification that are delineated in this document, and in order for your child to be eligible for services, a series of test need to be administered to establish eligibility. You should also familiarize yourself with the laws the govern Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act, so you are aware of some options you have if your child requires accommodation in school but is not eligible for special education classification and services. In addition to knowing the law, make a list of questions and concerns you have about your child’s school experience so that you can refer to it during the meeting. Often parents feel very emotional during these meetings and it is difficult to think clearly and remember everything that you want to cover. If you are part of a two-parent household, it is helpful if both parents can attend the meeting so that you have an extra set of eyes and ears, or perhaps each of you takes on different responsibilities during the meeting. One person can be a note taker, and one can ask and receive questions.
- Make it a point to understand how your school addressed Intervention and Referral Services: If this is the first time you are seeking services, it is required by law in New Jersey that your child is first referred to a PRE-referral process, usually labeled Intervention and Referral Services. Every school district handles this process in a slightly different fashion, and so it will be helpful if you know how it works in your child’s school. Typically the Student Assistance Counselor or an Administrator is the head of this committee and different staff members are asked to be a part of it. It is helpful if you know who the players are and how they run the process in your school so that you can manage your own expectations and determine whether they are adhering to the timeline that they have established. To that end, be sure to understand the hierarchy of your school system and who performs the various functions within your child’s school and district.
- When working with your child’s school it is always best to start with an open mind and optimistic approach. While it is always comforting to talk with other parents who are going through similar experiences, try not to listen too much to grumblings from other parents. Assume the best of the staff that are working with your child, and attempt to create an open, trusting, communicative and collaborative relationship with them. Every child is different and therefore, you cannot assume that one family’s experience will be replicated. If you attempt to remain positive, you are likely to have a more productive experience with your child’s school. Adhere to the old adage, “You catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar.” It is just human nature to want to be more inclined to help someone or go the extra distance for someone who is treating you with kindness and respect. Remember, the staff at your child’s school is working with your child. You want them on your side. You do not want to create enemies if you can avoid it. Seen too many times parents come in with advocates who walk in the door with their “dukes” up. This approach puts people off, it makes them feel under attack and it does not open the door for productive collaboration. When I attend a meeting with a parent, one of my main goals it to try and set a tone of collegiality.
At the same time, don’t be afraid to advocate. This is a fine line, and you need to walk it. While first trusting the trained and experienced professionals at your child’s school to implement a program that suits his/her needs, if you find that things are not getting done as they promised, or the program is not working as you had hoped, speak up. Stay on top of the school, and keep communication consistent and ongoing so that you are certain your child’s program is successfully implemented.
I have heard too many parents say, “I don’t want to be THAT parent.” (the one that complains or the squeaky wheel). While it is important to be respectful when working with your child’s team, no one is going to be more of an advocate for your child than YOU. You are a member of your child’s team, and should be an active participant in its planning and execution.
